I'll never be James Bond

Shredded wheats and clementines.

It turns out you can't join MI5 if you haven't lived in the UK for nine out of the past ten years. Foiled! Perhaps the CIA would have me instead. I expect, though, that being a dual national rather rules me out of any sort of espionage (to say nothing of the fact that "blogging" about it -- I still need to put this word in quotes to minimise its obnoxiousness -- quite definitely constitutes a major infringement of the "tell only your loved ones" guidelines).

Ho hum. Almost certainly just as well. Everything that fiction ("literary," cinematic and televisual) tells me indicates that things always go rather shaped like a pear for lady spies.