Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Indefinite Leave

Yet more muesli.
I bought a Euromillions ticket this evening, and I didn't win. This latest disappointment in a lifetime of raffling non-triumphs has made me so miserable that I find I am unable to meet the objectives I set myself with this blog: to say something amusing, or interesting, most days. Until I have come to terms with this great sadness, I am putting myself on compassionate leave, and excusing myself from all bloggerly duties... (Well, it's that, or the sense that having made a very little progress with my writing, after a spell of complete gridlock, I feel I ought to devote all energies to that.)

I'll keep eating breakfast, of course. I just shan't be photographing it (which, let's face it, is a profoundly odd thing to do -- but then that was at the point).

As you were.

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Happy Endings for Hosiery

Scrambled eggs and spicy tomatoey deliciousness.
Peanutbutter, honey and banana on toast.
It is a rare load of laundry for me in which only pairs of socks emerge at the other end.  And yet, today I have achieved just that: a rummage of contentedly coupled hose (rummage seems to me to be the aptest collective noun for socks that I can think of). So, my contribution to the pantheon of writings about lost socks is an usual, happy tale of halves and their wholes. That's nice. For the socks.

Saturday, 22 November 2014


Bacon roll.

I read the other day that Catch-22 was originally to have been Catch-18. I don't know why, but I'm very tickled by this.

Friday, 21 November 2014

Become What?

Muesli and banana.
I walked past a running shop today called "Run and Become". Become what? I don't think you should be allowed to be so exigent and vague all at once. Run and become a svelte and be-spandexed wonder in our dayglo, breathable wares? Run and become rickety kneed (for this is all I seem to have achieved). Run and become king of the world?

It is a shop name that is at once aspirational and deflating--conjouring images of one's powerful self bounding capapbly across the land, until self knowledge abounds, and an image of one's red-faced, sweaty personage flashes through the mind. Run and become a puce and perspiring wreck.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Not The One That I Want

Monday: yoghurt, banana, linseeds, cinnamon & nutmeg;
Tuesday: honey nut cornflakes & banana; Wednesday: banana.
Surely we have peaked with the fashion for drippy acousticy covers of songs, with Chanel No. 5's take on The One That I Want. Please, please, let this be the last of it:

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Digital Immigrants

Muesli, banana, and a dollop of honey.
So, we are digital immigrants, those of us born prior to 1985: our childhood's were blissfully unconnected. As teenagers we fought over the use of the landline -- sitting hot-eared in hallways gassing on the home phone as parents and siblings ducked, finger-waggingly, disapprovingly, into sight to chastise us for racking up the bill and monopolising the only means of connection to the outside world. It was a simpler time. And I miss it sometimes (she says on a blog post. Oh the irony.)

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Of Cupboards and Monsters


Chorizo roll, almond & vanilla croissant, and tea.

Every morning -- it seems -- I leave my cupboard door open (after my rummagings). And each evening as I peel back my duvet, ready to flop into bed, I glance at the open door, briefly consider leaving it so, and give in -- as ever -- to the impulse to close it, as thoughts of the monsters within flicker through my head.

However hard I try to bat these thoughts away, a little bit of me is still four-years-old and prefers that the cupboard monsters are safely shut inside. And I even though I know it's all nonsense, and it's ridiculous of me, I shut the door anyway, so that I can drift off to sleep untroubled by wonderings about what might escape otherwise...

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Inadequately Attired Fairies

Muesli and banana.

Perhaps it is a sign of burgeoning curmudgeonliness, but rather than making me covetous of their many yuletide offerings, M&S's advert featuring a pair of inadequately attired fairies instead made me want to shout at them to put their coats on. There are few things that make me feel chillier than looking at other under-clothed people, fairies or not.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Darning, and Other Acts of (Self) Love

Peanutbutter and banana on toast.
A few weekends ago, I spent a goodly portion of a morning darning the many holes in the cashmere socks that I wear to bed when it's cold. Darning, I realise, is the greatest act of self love there is.

It is also -- I realised when I woke up this morning with my big toe protruding through a new unravelling -- the most Sisyphean act there is. Well, that and tidying my bedroom.

Very Drear

Isn't it funny how dreary is such on ordinary, unremarkable sort of a word, and drear is so quaint? Only people who talk like Celia Johnson say drear, but stick a y on the end and it becomes perfectly normal.

I think I'm going to start saying it more, in my best Celia Johnson; after all it's November in Edinburgh, and November in Edinburgh is so often very drear.